Saturday, July 11, 2009

Who's the Idiot that Invented Coffee Sleeves?

News flash, people: My fingers are tough enough to hold a cardboard cup full of hot coffee, and so are yours. I guarantee it. Try it.

Styrofoam coffee cups seem to have gone the way of the dodo for environmental reasons, and that's a good thing. I like the Earth the way it is, excepting that there's too many people, and that the pine beetle is trashing my favorite part of it. Other than that, I think it's fine the way it is.

So, all of you who worked to make styrofoam cups go away, THANK YOU. I wish I could say I helped. Thanks. That was great. All I really do is refuse coffee sleeves and plastic bags.

But whoever invented these goddam coffee sleeves should have a large number of them inserted into his rectum because that was ENTIRELY UNHELPFUL. Not "unhelpful" in the same sense as lazy pricks like me, but in the sense of ACTIVELY DAMAGING.

So, those great people that uninvented styrofoam cups? Thanks for undoing their work, asshole. I sincerely hope you get hit by a car. Except that would traumatize the driver, who doesn't deserve it. So go fall off a cliff or something, ok? Please do it in a remote location so the carrion eaters have a chance to pick you over before you're discovered.

It would help the environment.

9 comments:

Phasorburn said...

I use plastic bags most of the time. Not because I hate the environment, but because I need something to scoop up after the dog when we are out on walks.

I suppose I could just let it bio degrade on people's front lawns but they and the city might have something to say about that...

Use paper you say? Lunch bags maybe? Then... set them on fire on someone's front step?

Capital Idea!

Rake said...

Actually, it is.

How big is your dog? Do you ship out of town?

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