Saturday, July 11, 2009

Let Me Explain To You What a Firetruck Is

(I can't believe I have another topic already!)

That huge red car with the noise and the lights? That's called a "Firetruck".

The reason it's so large is because it carries equipment that's meant to put out a fire. Not campfires or barbecues, they're not driving around being assholes, but big deadly fires that kill people.

That's the reason for the noise (known as a "siren"), also. They're letting you know that they're not just chillin' or showing the ladies what an awesome ride they have, it's to let you know they are on the way to do their job. Unlike your job, people are going to DIE if they don't get there on time. In fact, people might die anyway.

The specific implication for the three of you is that you're really not supposed to step out on the road when one is passing, especially if, as in your case, it appears to be headed in your direction. People who drive firetrucks are used to people knowing who they are, so they don't obey the traffic lights. In fact, when their siren is on, they're not supposed to. For that reason, everyone that's been paying attention in life, and not living in la-la obliviousland like you, knows to stay out of their way.

The same applies to any vehicle equipped with a siren, even if it's not big and red like a firetruck. I'd explain further, but I don't want to get too complicated and crowd out the two main ideas I'm trying to communicate: Don't walk in front of a noisy firetruck; you are not very smart.

I am not an unkind person. Except when I am, like right now. I really wish that truck had squashed all three of you and continued on it's way, because people like you really need to be taken out of the gene pool. Idiots. I would exempt your small child from that harsh judgement, but I really don't think people like you need to go around reproducing. There's too many people in the world already and only the really smart ones should be allowed to do that.

(Oh yeah, this TOTALLY beats drinking and making my woman mad. Oh! About that...)

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